Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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