hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
