Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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