Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
