if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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