I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
