Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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