Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
