Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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