just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
