Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize