so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
