Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Randomize
