You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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