Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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