I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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