I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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