is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
