So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
someone owes me an orgasm
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
