I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
