Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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