he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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