please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
