last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
