I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
