I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
