We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
