you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
