If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
