why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
