also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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