Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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