I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
