i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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