I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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