what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
