You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
