Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
