it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
