she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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