Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
