i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I need to stop coming to work sober
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
