Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Enjoy the penises
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
