I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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