just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo dont text me then not text me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize