I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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