I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
