Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
