are you still at the devil's house?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
