my room smells like sperm. sweet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
