This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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