I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize