Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
