Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
