WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
