My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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