the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
