a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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