tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't put those talents on a resume
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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