when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
