Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
