I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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