a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
