Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
