here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
