kristin has been a bad kristin
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
