walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
