You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
