Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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