my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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