One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
