I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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