your room smells of hookers.
And success
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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