people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
